Oh Brothers!
by ThePhoenixoftheOrder
Summary: Artemis babysits his brothers Myles and Beckett. He asks his childhood friend and crush Diana named after the Roman Goddess of the Hunt,to help him. Please take note that Diana knows everything about the fairy world. He tries to impress Diana.
1. Chapter 1

Oh Brothers!

(Diana and Artemis)

Chapter One: Babysitting:

Artemis got his phone and dialed Holly's number. He didn't know who to call at this point. His Mother and Father we're out on a shopping spree across Europe and Butler was helping Juliet with her wrestling moves in Tokyo. So he decided to call Holly--- His best friend, for this emergency.

"Holly!!!" Artemis yelled into the phone. "I need you ASAP. Got a problem which I can't solve."

"Artemis Fowl, boy genius, criminal mastermind and threat to the fairy world can't solve a problem? Wow, this must be big. What's wrong?" Holly asked teasingly.

"Well- you remember Myles and Beckett?"

"The Troublesome Twins?"

"Yeah, you see... I'm babysitting them..."

Holly did not answer, she instead sat down and and started a fit of giggles. Artemis was a lot of things- a whiz kid, good son, evil genius--- but if there was one think Artemis was still getting a hang on was being a big brother.

"That's your big problem? That's what defeated the famous Artemis Fowl? Wow... I thought you'd be smart enough to take on a two year olds."

"Listen. It's not funny. I'm not- 'Don't touch that Myles!' - anyway, I'm not that- 'Beckett! That's not funny- like I was saying, -'MYLES! BECKETT!' - I'm not capable of baby- 'Ouch! No! Stop hitting me!!!'- sitting." Artemis said, trying to catch his breath.

"Well then, ask Diana then, she'll help. She has babysitted a lot of kids before." Holly said plainly.

Artemis did not answer. He was going through puberty again. His heart started to pound at Diana's name and he slumped back against the chair. A goofy smile spread across his face and his twin brothers noticed him.

"Oh--- Arty is thinking of Diana again!" teased Myles

"Arty and Diana sitting in a tree- K.... ISSING!" Beckett said unable to spell the rest of the word "kissing".

Artemis ignored them and closed his eyes. Maybe this was the right time to tell Diana the truth about his little crush on her. But he didn't want to, after all they were childhood friends. He decided he'll have to deal with this later. He got his phone and answered Holly.

"Holly, I cannot ask Diana for help. It is just to embarassing." Artemis said, "_Me_ asking_ her _for help. Everyone I know will laugh."

Holly smiled. She knew Artemis, and she also knew what he meant. She decided to 'strongly recommend' that he should ask Diana for help.

"Artemis, stop bluffing. We all know you like Diana, more than a friend. You call her and ask for help." she said in a convincing manner.

"_Stop it._" he hissed into the phone, "I don't like Diana."

"Sure..."

"I DON'T!"

"Fine, but she's the only "girl" help you'll get." Holly snickered, "I can't come, I have a mission, and if you want to let the world live longer than 2012, you'll let me complete this mission."

"2012?"

"Let's just say that Nostra Damus is not just human..."

"Obviously..." Artemis sneered "I knew that when I was twelve."

"And now, you are 14... where do that years pass by... Just call Diana, Bye!"

When Holly hang up the phone. He made his decision. He will not call Diana, he will not... then he saw Mylles and Beckett holding his mother's favorite antique vase in pieces...

He got his other phone and dialed her number...

"Diana? It's me, Artemis... I need help..."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Teacher becomes the Student

Diana arrived in front of the Fowl Manor after an hour since Artemis called. She was so excited to babysit Myles and Beckett, and was even more excited to see Artemis. Artemis was her best friend since she was five, and she hasn't seen him in a long time. She was even a bit jealous of Holly, who was Artemis' new best friend. But she still liked Holly, a lot. Diana had no idea that Artemis had a crush on her.

So when Artemis opened the door, Diana hugged him. Artemis held his head up high, trying not to show that his hormones were acting up again.

"Good to see you to, Diana." Artemis said as calmly as possible. " I'll bring you to the room where Myles and Beckett are in."

"So, Arty... I haven't seen you in a long time. What happened to you since the time we went back in time?" Diana said shyly. Inside, she was jealous of Holly kissing Artemis.

"Well, me and Holly staightened things out. We realized we're just friends, and that kiss was because of the hormones inside of her." explained Artemis.

_'She remembers that...' _thought Artemis inside his head.

"Yeah... glad you to fixed things..." said Diana quietly

"Diana, I don't like Holly." Artemis said calmly

_'I like you' _he thought.

Diana just nodded and followed him to the room. There she saw Myles and Beckett both holding Artemis' journal about the fairies and they were both ripping it in pieces.

"Myles, Beckett... what are you doing?" Artemis asked them "I thought we talked about this."

The two twins looked up and saw Diana behind Artemis. They ran to Diana and hugged her.

"Diana!!!" Beckett said, "Glad you're here. Artemis is no fun."

"You should marry Artemis so that he can be fun too!" Myles said winking at Artemis.

"Oh, I doubt Arty here would want to marry me!" Diana said while laughing.

Artemis nodded and sat down quietly. Inside his puberty was getting the best of him. He decided to spare himself the embarassment.

"So, Diana, here are the boys. If you need me, I'll be in my room, rewriting my journal about the fairies." he looked at his twin brothers and then at Diana. He was half-way out of the room when Diana grabbed his arm.

"No way, am I letting you get lost in your fairy world while I babysit the terror twins. You'll help me." Diana said smugly.

Artemis saw that Diana was serious. He then noticed how cute she was when she was mad.

"Alright, if you really won't let me work in peace, I'll stay here and learn how to control those boys." he said defeatedly.

"Alright then, The teacher becomes the student." said Diana teasingly.

Then Myles and Beckett looked at the both of them...

"Are you going to kiss?" asked Beckett curiously.

Artemis and Diana both looked away from each other and stared at the twins, and went to work.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Artemis the Horse

"Ready, Artemis?" Diana said enthusiastically,

"Yes, I suppose I am ready. After all, I am Artemis Fowl." he said smugly.

"Ofcourse you are..." she said sarcastically "Anyway, when you babysit- _you ask them what they want. _You just don't do what you want. You ask if they want to do it. Got that?"

"But what if they want to bungee jump of the tallest building, or go travel to a "magical fairy land"?"

"Well, if they want to travel to some fairy land- call Holly." she said obviously " For other requests, follow step two, ponder whether it is right or wrong. Don't say 'yes' right away."

"I understand." he said proudly.

"Try that out right now. There's Myles and Beckett, by the... pieces of your fairy journal on the floor."

Artemis saw the pages of his beloved fairy journal on the floor. He looked at Diana his look saying _'You've got to be kidding me.', _but her expression only read: _'Just do it!' _He walked over to the terror twins.

"Myles, Beckett. Since you have already broke Mothers flower vase and shredded my fairy journals-"

"We also broke daddy's computer!" Beckett said proudly.

"You did what?" Artemis looked angry this time. He calmed down and looked at Diana, she nodded with approval and he continued, "Since you did those bad acts, what else would you to like to do?"

Myles and Beckett nodded at each other and said in unison, "We wanna ride on Arty's back!"

Artemis was about to say no, when Diana interrupted.

"Ofcource you can do that! He's okay with that! Right, Artemis?"

Artemis looked at her eyes wide open and said, "Diana, can I talk to you in the kitchen?"

Diana nodded and they both met up in the kitchen...

* * *

"Diana, I am Artemis Fowl, millionaire, criminal mastermind and genius. I am not _Artemis the Horse_. So I refuse to do what those twins are saying."

Diana looked at him with a look of evil.

"I will not fall for that one. Artemis Fowl, survived a bio bomb of the fairies, time travel and demons. I can surely survive your "Diana look".

He looked at Diana for a few more seconds and realized that Diana looked good even if she was trying to scare him...

* * *

After 5 minutes with Diana in the kitchen, Artemis was now giving Myles and Beckett a horseback ride. He thought to himself...

_ 'I have to control my puberty.'_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Artemis the Chef

"Boys, it's time to get off Artemis." Diana said amused by what she was seeing. Artemis was on the floor being kicked by Myles and Beckett. He was too unfit to get up. "BOYS!" Diana said loudly, and this time they ran off. Artemis got up, with Diana's help and brushed the dirt of his suit.

"Thank you, Diana." Artemis said calmly, "Now... what should we do next?"

Diana looked at the boys, and they looked hungry. She went near Artemis and whispered to him,

"They look like they want to eat something, why don't you go and ask them what they want."

"Of course, an easy task, anyone could do that." He said trying to make himself look like he knew what he was doing. Diana just nodded and pointed to the boys. He went to work. He looked at the boys with a look of terror.

"Myles and Beckett, now that you are done making me your horse, you must be really hungry, what do you want to eat?" he asked confidently, now he could make Diana see that he is capable of doing anything.

"We want chocolate chip cookies!" they screamed.

"I'm sorry, but we do not have any of that. It is extremely unhealthy and I do not think you should try it." Artemis regretted saying that because the two started to throw tantrums, kicking the floor, screaming loudly and most of all; they destroyed the new PDA of Artemis. Diana finally couldn't take it anymore, she decided to help him.

"ALRIGHT! We'll make you chocolate chip cookies!" she said impatiently. Artemis looked at her, took her hand and dragged her to the kitchen.

"WHAT?" she said annoyingly, "Why did you drag be all the way here?" Artemis looked at her and noticed that he still didn't let go of her hand, he removed it quick and said...

"We do not have your chocolate chip cookies. I told my parents to ban those from our house." he said calmly, he did not like making Diana mad.

"Why'd you do that? No wonder people dislike you." Diana snorted,

"It is very unhealthy and bad for the body." He said plainly. "You should know that, you being so... fit."

"I'm going to ignore that comment and move on." She said blankly, "Well, you are going make some. You know how to right? After all, you did study the art of baking, when you were five. I remember you bragging to me."

"Of course, I know how to bake. You go check on the twins; I'll make some cookies for them."

Diana looked at him smiled and said, "You haven't changed a bit...I'm glad how we get to spend time together, even if you got new fairy friends. "

"So do I, Diana." Artemis smiled at her.

Diana looked at him and went away, blushing to herself. She thought Artemis had a good smile. Artemis waited for her to leave then sighed.

"I don't know how to bake these, a lot of other things I know how to bake, but cookies- I never bothered learning how too. I thought I'd not need them. I guess I have to try. After all,I am Artemis Fowl."

_**20 minutes later....**_

The fire alarm was ringing and water was sprinkling everywhere, Diana ran into the kitchen. She saw Artemis covered with ash. She held back her laughter.

"I'll just go to the store and buy some chocolate chip cookies... What do you think?" Diana said trying to make Artemis feel better.

'That was just what I was about to say."


End file.
